My Bio

Hi, my name is Andrew G. Watters. I am a radically honest, category-defying polymath based in Redwood City, California, USA. I have a law degree from U.C. Hastings College of the Law in San Francisco, a bachelor's degree from UCLA, and seventeen to twenty-three years of professional experience in multiple industries. Currently, I have my own law firm, photo studio, and R&D laboratory. I offer legal services since 2005, including complex private investigations, custom computer vision systems since 2022, and custom web application programming since 2000. My favorite compliment that I've gotten lately is: "you're a polite gunfighter with a silver tongue." Yeah, that's accurate. I am married to Mrs. Right, with whom I welcomed our daughter Jennifer in 2022.


February 5, 2023: I've been working on several exciting projects lately in addition to the daily business of my law firm. One is the Trial Laboratory, which is envisioned as a training program and courtroom simulator where lawyers can hone their skills and litigants can practice for the real thing. Another is a business/legal English course co-taught with my wife for Chinese-Americans who are motivated to improve their English speaking and writing. These projects alone would keep me busy for months, so they will likely end up as collaborative efforts in some fashion once I have the manpower. I also have an un-advertised capability as an inventor, which includes an upcoming patent on a camera mount for a tactical helmet that I will be showing off at WEST 2023 once I file the application (lol). Let's just say I am cursed with knowledge, like Thanos and Tony Stark.

February 5, 2023: An Ode to Optimus Prime. "Optimus Prime is important to me because he stands up for what is right. He is kindhearted, strong, and generous. Optimus puts his life on the line over and over to save the human race. To me, Optimus isn't just an intelligent robot; he is a brave soul who cares more about others than himself, and that is not a characteristic you can find in just anyone. It is something worthy of recognition." --Nina from St. Clair. The above testimonial from a child who loves Optimus Prime brings me full circle. For me, it started in 1985. I was five years old and watching TV for probably the first time. The Transformers animated series was on all the time, so my Saturday mornings had full doses of Hasbro product ads as well as countless heroic acts by the selfless, honorable, and awe-inspiring leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. So yes, Optimus Prime is my hero, and admiration for this titan of fiction as well as appreciation for the concept of the Matrix of Leadership are at the core of my psyche. This was even commented on by the officiant at my wedding when he took a live survey of the guests about my top heroes. My brother Mike subsequently criticized me for thinking that my second choice, Batman, was even close (lol). Here's the thing: as the world's greatest detective, but with no actual superpowers, Batman relies on his intelligence and experience (and muscle) to visit justice on the criminal underworld and make Gotham a better place. His idealism is admirable, as depicted in the Nolan films, but his refined Bruce Wayne persona is what I think sets him apart from other superheroes. Batman is someone who could actually live in the real world, as opposed to a superhero who requires fantasy or mutant powers that have to suspend disbelief. That's why Bruce Wayne/Batman is my hero. But so is Optimus Prime. As the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime is an artificially intelligent machine, but he also has an unbelievably strong sense of honor and justice, and is the perfect example of what a benevolent A.I. would be. What put me over the edge and solidly into Optimus Prime's camp was my realization last year (2022) that the Transformers and Optimus Prime are probably going to become real some day. I am working on a web page that discusses my formative admiration for Optimus Prime and the Transformers, as well as provide a plausible scenario for the future creation of both.

January 3, 2023: Coming soon: You had me at HELO: a tutorial for using Perl-Compatible Regular Expressions with Postfix for sender access control to crush 90% of spam received on a private email server.


These are my current ventures:

Attorney - general civil litigation and complex family law, with seventeen years of experience and twenty-six trials (plus three JAMS arbitrations). Also available for complex private investigations, including missing persons/homicide and cyber/corporate espionage.

Computer vision developer - behavioral science computer vision systems at the intersection of technology and psychology.

Web application programmer - law practice management system and specialized task management/productivity software written from scratch by yours truly. If you're wondering how I have time to practice law while doing all these different things...this is how.

Blink Creative - I co-own a small photography studio and have a RED handheld cinema package.

Music hobbyist - rock, progressive rock, instrumental rock, and metal.

Tutorials and Articles

Here are my popular tutorials/articles/videos:

Andy's Connections - my effort at behavioral science-based matchmaking.

Rællic™ - ongoing blog tracking the development of my advanced product at the intersection of computer vision and psychology.

FirePower+™ - a database acceleration technique for database-intensive web applications with a 2,000% improvement in speed (20x faster), and also an alternative to memcached. Coming soon.

Reverse VPN sharding - method for reconstructing access patterns on websites where VPN users intentionally obfuscate their requests.

Linux tips and tricks - random tips learned the hard way.

Run your own email server Howto - have you ever wanted to take full control of your email? Not for the faint of heart.

Privoxy on macOS Howto - have you ever wanted to block ads on the web on your Mac without having to install MacPorts? This is for you.

Lattice™ - next-gen user interface for, featuring a novel technique for focus detection and raising.

An informal proof of Plato's Theory of Forms - reasons I continue to believe that idealism is the truest form of world view.

Dynamic entoptic matrices - a thought-based theory of dynamic entoptic phenomena found in highly productive computer programmers.

Spectrum Warrior - a suite of electronic surveillance tools and techniques to find the truth and also seriously embarrass liars.

A casual network investigation of the Russian Ministry of Defense - random security research leads to things I wish I could un-learn.

Andy's Dashboard - a free charting solution for server administrators.

Introduction to microexpressions - my guest lecture at Stanford.

Unboxing a new IBM Model M keyboard - travel back in time to 1988.

Andy's Hardware - market research on the concept of a Made in USA hardware store.

100G office network Howto - the fastest, most reliable office LAN that money can buy.

10 gigabit networking - a howto on my 10 gig office setup, which rocks.

The Forever War - my superfan-level tribute to the greatest science fiction novel of all time.

A fractal crystal lattice of Gaussian primes - research on the fractality of prime numbers in Mathematica.

Analysis of WMAP data with Mathematica - a side project that is going a little too far, but it's interesting.

The Vision - A proposed 100G packet capture system.


YouTube Yelp IMDB Instagram

Future of Humanity Institute - I spend a lot of time thinking about the future.

Closer to Truth on PBS - seriously, a collection of astounding interviews with great scientists.

Robin Hanson - this guy is a prolific author and thinker.

John Carmack - definitely the best programmer in the world.

Stephen Wolfram - an all-around world-conquering genius, with an ego to match.

Harrison Barnes - the legal recruiting industry's version of Stephen Wolfram, only no ego. His blog is solid gold, no joke!

Liz Fosslien - a fusion of the above great thinkers with a whimsical online presence.

Suzy J. - an Australian supergenius with an eclectic, entertaining blog.

Hall of Fame: these are products and services, as well as service providers or experiences, that I use and strongly recommend:

RED Dragon-X 6K digital cinema camera with Zeiss CP.3 lenses - the ultimate run and gun digital cinema setup. Proof (actual sample footage).

Adobe Creative Cloud - my personal trademark is pleadings and letters typeset in the best desktop publishing tool of all-time: Adobe InDesign. Check out my review as a 20-year+ user of Adobe.

IBM Model M Keyboard - the best ever keyboard, especially for those who want 1980s-style typing functionality. For service, Clicky Keyboards is great.

King Star Computer, Inc. - custom workstations and servers built to order.

Intel Xeon - professional grade processors that permit the use of ECC RAM.

Seagate Exos - true enterprise-grade hard drives.

Nvidia Titan - formerly the most powerful desktop GPU in the world. Works great on Linux!

IBM Selectric II typewriter - great for typing envelopes and personal notes. Prestige Pica typing element matches Triplicate T4. For sales and service in the Bay Area, Los Altos Business Machines.

Red Hat Enterprise Linux - a powerful server operating system that works great as a workstation.

General Dynamics PitBull - a trusted operating system built on top of RHEL 7.

CodeWeavers - the official vendor for PitBull and makers of the excellent CrossOver/Wine system.

Mathematica - advanced computation platform.

Andy Collis/Valley Visuals - brilliant concept artist.

The Curating - website development and art.

Nissan GT-R - the ultimate all-around chariot.

Boardwalk Nissan/GT-R Specialists - five star service.

Alternative BMW Service - five star service.

American Express - the Business Platinum charge card is well worth the annual fee.

Vim - the best text editor of all time.

Warnings. These are products and services I strongly urge you not to use:

Dell UltraSharp 8K monitor - the ultimate workstation display, and perfect for editing 4K and 8K video. This product seemed promising, but it turned out to be defective in design and disappointing in reliability. Replaced twice under warranty and failed in less than a year each time. I am not only deleting this endorsement; I am also warning you against buying this product.

Hall of Shame: if someone gets me to the point of posting a whole web page about them on here, you know they went way too far in whatever they were doing wrong.

  1. Zheng Liu, Esq. - perhaps the most insane and unfit licensed attorney in the entire State of California. A bold claim, but it's 100% deserved here. Note: this is the Zheng Liu from San Mateo, not the other (normal) one, who works at a reputable law firm. This guy asked for this by spamming my Yelp business page with inappropriate photos, among other misdeeds. Number one in my Hall of Shame because he has managed to slip through the cracks in the character and fitness department of the State Bar and continue his damage to the profession.

  2. Mexican timeshare RICO - a complex advance fee wire fraud scam and continuing criminal racketeering enterprise.

  3. 6x7 Networks, LLC and Ben Cannon - read about my roller coaster ride with 6x7 Networks and its erratic CEO, who I am suing for fraud.

  4. Mahsa Parviz - my crazy ex, who narrowly takes the "worst human being I know" award from Ben Cannon (though it is very close). Overall, I put her in fourth place because the objective harm to society caused by Ben Cannon is actually higher-- plus Ben is still somehow getting away with it, unlike Mahsa who is in Federal custody and headed to prison following her recent convictions.